Sunday, January 2, 2011

Worst STD ever

At last week's checkup Dr. A confirmed that our baby is still stubbornly breech. And before the internal exam she joked that if she felt a head we would see her eyes bug out of her head. Instead she said, "Oh...I think I feel a foot. Your baby is footling."

Excuse me?

She explained. Baby is still seated Indian style with rump pointed toward my left hip. You can play along at home, kids. Sit on the floor with your legs crossed like Buddha, and sort of lean over onto your right butt cheek. Your left foot should be positioned under or in front of your right knee. Got it? Okay, now imagine that there is a bathtub drain below the toes of your left foot, but it's sort of a stretchy drain that doesn't need to be dilated at all for your foot to slip right through. Are you getting this?--I don't need to be dilated at all, and baby's foot could slip right through. How does one respond to such news? With hysterical panicky giggling, of course.

Robb, I have some terrible news: I am carrying Chuck Norris, and he wants to deliver a roundhouse kick to my hoo-ha.

7 comments:

Tmomma said...

i had to look up a pic for full effect; i'm terrible at picturing things. here's a good pic:

http://www.illustrationsource.com/stock/image/282014/illustration-of-a-footling-breech-incomplete-breech-position-in-the-uterus-anterior-cutaway-view/?&results_per_page=1&detail=TRUE&page=54

worknmom23 said...

you are hysterical!!! I hope baby's foot stays in until its time!!! :)

bbmowery said...

Tmomma - Bingo!

Anonymous said...

While a foot sticking out of your hoo-ha could be quite a conversation starter, I believe I'd head straight for the nearest ER and beg for a c-section. I heard it through the grapevine (Charlene) that you are scheduled to go in Friday. I wish you the very best and can't wait to find out all the details on the stubborn little Mowery baby! I promise to not send any stuffed animals, and instead offer my babysitting services should you and Robb find yourselves in need of a babysitter this side of the bridge. I'm the baby whisperer in these parts!! Especially little boy babies:-)
Best, Laura
(Linda's niece)

Robin said...

Mr. D asked what I was doing as I followed your description of how Baby M is positioned. You are too funny! Chuck Norris & Hoo Ha what a combo..

Mo said...

Holy placenta, batman, thats a visual and a half for you...

bbmowery said...

And amazingly when my membrane ruptured, it was somewhere near the top of the bag. I was so sure that one of the feet was going to punch through the bottom.