Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Joys and concerns

"Magnificat" by Mary Ruefle

O Lord, I did walk upon the earth
and my footprints did keep pace with the rain
and I did note, I did note where orange birds
flew up from the puddles thou hast made
and where the toads leapt from your trenches,
but nowhere was there that I could go
for I could not rise from the firmament
upon which I was placed, and nowhere could I
so I kept until I could no more straight
then bent said I am down to make room for the more
and you half hearing did send me down
into the soul of another by mistakes
and I would like to thank you for it
from where I lie, risen in the eye of the other.

* * * * *

I am seizing a rare moment of Momo sleeping late to post. September has been down, down, up, down, up, and down again. More downs than ups. The most notable "up" is the birth of Shalom and Adam's beautiful little girl Zofia. I am so very happy that she is healthly--and that our girls were born in the same year!

Among the downs, I am sorry to report, is my Aunt Julie's death this past Monday. I keep returning in my mind to the fact that I won't talk with her again. It's unacceptable. We were starting to have these fantastic conversations about motherhood. When I thought I broke my foot Julie told me about how she broke her ankle when Paul was 2 years old and Ali was 3 months old. Uncle Rich was working full time, her only bathroom was upstairs, and her kitchen was downstairs. She had to crawl around her house with a newborn while chasing a toddler. "It was 6 weeks of hell!" she told me, even considering the cancer battle she was fighting as she told me. I certainly will miss her for her own sake, but with her passing I've lost another piece of Dad. Both Gran and Grandma gone, Dad and their infant eldest sister Frances, now Julie, leaving only Aunt Pat to keep all of their childhood memories alive. [Here is a link to her obituary in the Salisbury Daily Times.]

So I will be going back to Ocean City for another funeral on Saturday. Over Labor Day weekend I went to Ed Hammond's funeral. He was a partner in my old law firm and only 69. I need to make arrangements with my boss this morning. I am feeling like "that person" at work, always calling out, always some personal drama. I won't be able to get off work Saturday. I need to call my cousins and uncle to say that I love them.

I hear Momo fussing. (And a car alarm?) Time's up.


old dog said...

One of the strangest things is that the rest of the world does not slow down to mourn, or appreciate. When you must mourn it is good and beneficial to do so, whether the world joins you or not.
Very Sorry for your loss.
Lots of Love to you All.

Rebecca said...

Barb, I'm very sorry to hear of your Aunt's passing. You and your family are in my thoughts. Love you, Becca

Tmomma said...

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you start having many more ups than downs. We'll be thinking of you and your family.

Robin Shipley said...

Hey Barb, here is a big hug. Very sorry for your family's loss.